I think that over the years, my depression has taken its toll on me in the self-confidence arena, especially now that I have lost another job as a result of the depression. I begin to question my abilities to acquire and maintain a 9 to 5 type of job again. I am, of course, going to have to try. My finances dictate that I do. I have a dream of being able to support myself doing freelance work, but my experience with this project may be an indicator that I am not cut out for the risk taking and self-direction involved in self-employment.
There is the notion, “Do what you love and the money will follow.” And then there are the myriad of “starving artists” out there doing what they love and barely scraping by. In this economy and with my narrow range of job skills, my notion is more like “do whatever you can find, and hope that it pays enough to live on.” Not very optimistic, I know, but in my mind that’s the reality of it.
I seem to be kind of scattered lately. Yesterday I was talking about having faith that better things might come out of our losses. Today I am making dire assumptions about my future prospects because of my losses. As the need for employment – or some means of income – increases, my ability to “keep the faith” becomes ever more strained.
At this point it boils down to putting one foot in front of the other and carrying on day to day. That’s the best form of faith I can muster. It beats giving up. And I still can look around and count my blessings, and there are many to count, so all is not lost.
I really need to write that blog post about affirmations and positive self-talk. I’m due for a refresher course on that.
Here’s to gain-“full” employment.