Okay, I’m not questioning the whole meaning-of-life thing. Everyone knows the meaning of life revolves around owning the entire Dan Fogelberg album collection, right? So we don’t need to go there. But I’m finding that I need to rethink my relationship with depression. You see, I just don’t feel particularly depressed lately. In fact, I feel downright hopeful.
On the “About Me” page of my website, I talk about the ebb and flow of my depression, how sometimes it’s been hardly bearable while at other times I am able to “move forward with hopes and dreams and plans – conservatively,” to quote myself. When I wrote that page, I also indicated that I didn’t really think I would ever be “cured” of depression.
It’s not that I think I’m cured. And I look around for wood to knock on when I so much as say I’m feeling better. But the truth is I am feeling better. A lot better.
When I started writing the “Lifting the Weight” blog, I named it that because (to quote myself some more) “I am on this journey to … lift the weight of depression from my soul as best I can with what I have.” I gave the blog the subheading “balancing life with depression.” My intent was to talk about how we can successfully deal with depression on a daily basis.
The thing is, I’m no longer having to deal with depression on a daily basis, and my writing no longer has that particular focus. My topics have always strayed a little far afield (see my post on fly brains or the one on sound waves in outer space), but I find that lately I have to make a concerted effort to bring myself back to writing about depression.
So… I’m redefining the intent of the blog a little bit. To reflect that, I’ve changed the subheading from “balancing life with depression” to “living in balance.” A subtle shift, perhaps, but a meaningful one to me.
I don’t think I’ll ever be completely out of the woods as far as depression goes. And I’ll probably still write about it since it does still occupy my mind at times. But at least for now, it’s not occupying my soul, and I’m going to take full advantage of that.
Who knows, in another six months, I might take another tack on my journey toward a better, balanced life. Some say it’s the journey that matters, not the destination. Others ask: if you don’t know where you’re going, how will you know when you get there? I have a general direction in which I’m headed, that hasn’t changed. But I have changed, and I need to respect that and respond to it because that’s part of the journey.
I reserve the right to reinvent myself.
P.S. – Speaking of Dan Fogelberg, "let the music play…"