“20 Amazing uses for Epsom salts”

"The foods the experts don’t want you to eat”

“Wrinkle Solution Horrifies Surgeons: Scientists have discovered a shocking natural skincare solution. Try this one weird trick & look years younger.”

“1 evil trick to lose fat”

Really?????

I’m sorry, but I’ve never been amazed by Epsom salts. I don’t care what the “experts” do or don’t want me to eat (I’ll research that myself and make my own informed decisions). If surgeons are “horrified” by a “weird trick” to look younger, I don’t think I want to try it. And why would a “trick” (there’s that word again) to lose fat be “evil?” Is it some kind of malevolent voodoo that strips fat off of you and magically transfers it onto the body of your arch enemy? Now that would be evil!

Who writes this stuff? Do consumers really fall for this hyperbolic advertising? As for me, I just find it an insult to my intelligence. Make that a shocking insult to my amazing intelligence; an intelligence which experts would be horrified to learn the evil trick I used to acquire. Not to mention how it astounded scientists to see how much younger and thinner I looked after using this weird trick.  And by the way: doctors, surgeons, insurance companies and even veterinarians don’t want you to learn this miraculous trick because obviously they are all scam artists and would rather you pay them obscenely huge fees to deal with your problems (ineffectively, no less) than let you in on this carefully guarded secret.

Do you think I could get a job writing ad copy? Of course, overstated – and often misleading – advertisements aren’t new:

From a 1930s magazine advertisement --
"Why our Physicians call our new brand a 'Health Cigar'. I recommend Thomson's Mell-o-well cigars to any who are interested in regaining or keeping physical fitness...." Signed by G. Edward Roehrig, M.D., who passed away from lung cancer at the age of 73.

From the 1850s -- “Dr. Thomas’ Eclectric Oil… It will positively cure… toothache in 5 minutes… lameness in 2 days… deafness in 2 days… One bottle will go farther than half a dozen of an ordinary medicine.”

And then there are the ads at the other end of the spectrum, nicely understated. I saw an online scrolling ad for a two-piece outfit for $25. I couldn’t read fast enough, but I think the company was Fabletics, which sells women’s sportswear. The ad said something about the good fit of the clothing, then ended with, “Your butt will thank you.” Simple. Succinct. No hyperbole. And maybe even true, butt who knows?

I haven’t watched TV for quite some time, so I don’t know the current state of television commercials. For simplicity’s sake, you can’t beat the Grey Poupon commercial, which came out in the mid-1980s. Thirty-two seconds, two actors, two lines. And yet it still plays well:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwOCOm9Z0YE

Given the proliferation of outlandish statements in online advertisements, I can only assume that they work, and that Epsom salts and wrinkle cures are flying off the virtual shelves of their sellers. And evil people are losing fat, and experts continue to roll over in their graves because of the foods we eat.

So I guess I’ll have to put up with the horrifying, shockingly evil hyperbole. Maybe a “health cigar” and a shot of snake oil will make it more palatable. Wouldn’t that be amazing?!?

* bab·ble -- 1. to utter sounds or words imperfectly, indistinctly, or without meaning.  2. to talk idly, irrationally, excessively, or foolishly; chatter or prattle.

(* Dictionary.com)

October 21st is celebrated as “National” Babbling Day.

Our 30th President of the United States, Calvin Coolidge, notably not a
blatherskite, was commonly referred to as “Silent Cal.” There is a story about a woman who approached President Coolidge at a dinner party and teased him that she had made a bet with someone who had told her she wouldn’t be able to get more than two words out of the president. Coolidge’s definitive response to her: “You lose.” 
 
Today, in honor of President Coolidge, I am boycotting Babbling Day. Why, you may ask? 

Well, no comment, of course.

Enjoy your day, babbling or otherwise. 
Maggie

I received an email the other day, whose subject line said, “Stay Connected with your Life.” I thought that sounded like a wonderful concept, so I opened up the email. It turned out to be an advertisement for cell phone products and services. The cell phone company’s solutions to staying connected included using a digital personal assistant, a phone camera, and a slide out keyboard for texting friends. 

So all my “connecting” solutions are to be found in a cell phone – one with a slide out keyboard, of course. I can now plan my day without talking to anyone about it, send photos of what I’m doing instead of actually doing it with someone, and text people instead of speaking with them in person or even through a phone call. 

I find it interesting that an ad for a telephone doesn’t even mention using it to call someone. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I still like to talk with people sometimes, maybe even see them once in a while. What kind of life are we “staying connected with” if we don’t talk to people anymore?
 
I’m not opposed to cell phones. They do come in handy for dealing with emergencies. When I had a flat tire while taking my children to school one morning, I was able to call my husband, who assured me he would come and save me – after he took a shower. So I waited at the side of the road until my knight in shining armor showed up and changed the tire for me. My husband arrived shortly after that. 

And it is nice to have a camera on the cell phone to take photos any time we want, not just when we happen to have lugged our camera along (although digital cameras are getting tinier and tinier, too). It’s nice when my daughter sends me photos of all the cute things that my grand puppy does.  Maybe that is a form of staying connected with life. 

We’ve come a long way with telephone technology. At SearchMobileComputing.com we are told that the first cell phone, produced by Motorola, came out in 1983, weighed 2 pounds, had to be recharged after a half-hour of talk time, and sold for $3,995. 

A quick online search today found cell phones weighing as little as 1.25 ounces or 35g, talk times up to 6 hours, and prices as low as $14. It showed phones that you can wear like a watch and phones used as key fobs. There could be greater extremes out there, but I thought those examples were mind-boggling enough. Does anyone remember wall phones with cords that you had to dial? And they had to be wired into the house by telephone lines? 

I guess I’m digressing from my point about staying connected with life. I think actual face to face contact (I guess they call it “face time”now) is important and, despite all of our new-fangled capabilities, sometimes it’s good to step back and enjoy the personal touches of relating to someone in“meatspace”  (as opposed to “cyberspace”…what would I do without Wikipedia?).  
 
While I love to have photos of my grand puppy sent to my phone, I still like to see the little guy for some face time in meatspace. (With my awesome new vocabulary, I'm just too cool for school.) I like to see my daughters and hear their voices. It’s a challenge for me to connect to very many people because of my avoidant personality disorder (yeah, I have all sorts of diagnoses). But I do realize the value in it. 

So I’m off to see my therapist today for reals, in person. Then I might go to the “brick and mortar” grocery store to shop. I may even use my telephone to talk to someone. After that I’ll probably send some text messages, email some people and check on Facebook to see what my friends are up to. If you can’t beat ‘em you may have to join ‘em. Or at least meet them halfway. 

Keep in touch,
Maggie