Granted, this was only Lesson One, where I was to assess what wasn’t working in my life. So maybe the mastery part didn’t show up until Lesson Three or so. Of all the listed choices for what wasn’t working in my life, the one I had selected was “Showing others who I really am,” and I had noted in the margin of the page that I didn’t even know who I really was, so how could I show it? In a way, my response was already showing part of who (or what) I was: I was confused.
It may just be sour grapes, but I think mastery of emotions, actions and life is highly overrated. Yes, it’s nice to not be on an out of control roller coaster ride with no input whatsoever about my destiny. But “mastery,” in my mind, implies no room to grow, no need to grow. I would have reached the apex. And where’s the fun in that?
It kind of reminds me of the cognitive behavioral stuff they taught at brain school, which I never totally understood. I just remember that none of the therapists were very good at drawing brains on the whiteboard when they were illustrating this model, and they always drew a bunch of arrows emanating from the brain, which looked quite painful. I think the gist of it was that when something happens (a trigger), we interpret the event through the filters of our belief systems, and our beliefs lead to thoughts that may or may not be accurate. And somehow that affects our emotions and influences the actions we choose to take in response to the triggering event, which lays the groundwork for another event that starts the whole cycle over again, which causes a whole other set of arrows to start shooting out of the poorly drawn brain.
So maybe if I learned to test and confirm the validity of my thoughts, that would lead to a better understanding of my emotions and might help me make better choices in my actions, thereby improving my life. I can see how that previous sentence just doesn’t sound as snappy as “Master Your Emotions, Your Actions, and Your Life.”
So how does that all relate to showing others who I really am? I really don’t know. Maybe if I dig deep enough in the closet I will come up with Lesson Two and Lesson Three, and then I can become a fully self-actualized being. In the meantime, my life may continue to somewhat resemble a roller coast ride. A gentle ride, I hope.
Who I am probably changes from day to day, anyway. And showing it to others is just a matter of stepping out the door of my house and being authentic. As long as I don’t start seeing arrows poking out of my brain, I think I’m good to go. I’ll just buckle up and enjoy the ride.
I hope I didn’t actually pay for that report.